Office by Alex Penny
How To Lose Weight Fast
(Source: 84poundswish, via only-one-who-knows)
It’s so funny how my bulimia is trying to overcome me.
I was reading a site of culinary recipes when it came to me and said, ‘Go eat the steaks you have in the fridge’. Resistance was almost impossible, so I thought that I wasn’t hungry. That it was my brain, my sick head which didn’t even know what it wanted, to eat or to have fun.
‘I know,’ I said, ‘I know you want to pinch me, but not now. Because it’s no matter what you want me to eat…I’m not hungry. Don’t kill me, you saucebox.’
That’s how I’m going to resist it.
(via yourdreamsaredead)
(Source: uncrythesetears, via sup-sluts)
(Source: verticalthings, via sup-sluts)
I…I’ve got bulimia.
The next symptoms are all mine:
- gastritis
- disruption of menstrual cycle
- swelling
- brittle nails (I thought, it’s because of smoking from time to time)
- tense anxiety leading to bulimic breakdowns.
Lord, I’m only seventeen, and I eat every time when feel tensity. I’ve read that I shouldn’t worry in order not to let a breakdown happen, then it’d be better to refuse from heavy physical activity. Moreover, solid meals, especially suppers, don’t harm my health.
Well…I’ll try. I don’t want to end up a fat 18-year girl who wants only to eat and nothing more.
GOODBYE, FOOD. GOODBYE YOU, THAT HAVE BEEN MAKING ME DEPRESSIVE AND TOTALLY UNHAPPY FOR LAST 4 YEARS. I DON’T WANT YOU TO DESTROY MY LIFE ANYMORE.
From this time, I swear, I will follow my body’s signals of hunger and eat every time I’m hungry. And when I’m not hungry but bored, I will just drink water and have a rest for a couple of minutes.
The truth is that I…I was afraid of myself. And shouldered all the blame.
Really, being a Human (I believe, we’re all Humans, such difficult systems with lots of functions and tricks) seemed so scary to me.
No conclusions. No summations. This way is too uneasy and dangerous. You know, those who once get bulimia, cannot be cured forever, and it’s true. And we bulimics all know this. And I know this and I realize that I’m bulimic for the rest of my life.
Lord…
Still this is in my power to keep such an extent of my bulimia at which I could live on.
My bulimia.
My bulimia.
Get me, please.
I didn’t want it to happen.
